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Tips for Preparing Your Cannibal Holiday Dinner Party

The holidays are upon us! Especially after the last couple of years dealing with COVID, many families are excited to get together this season. If you’re anything like us, we’re looking forward to showing off our quarantine hobby of making our own cheese and, of course, our new found ecological passion for cannibalism. What better time than the holidays?! So here’s our tips on making your Cannibal Dinner Party an event your loved ones will be talking about for ages.

Make Sure Your Human Flesh is the Star of the Show

When you’ve spent hours, if not days, carving, preparing and getting your cannibal dish just right, the last thing you want is for the meat to blend in with the rest of the table settings. No matter which color of skin you’ve gone with, you want to make sure it pops when presented in the middle of your table.

For one, you’re going to want to get out your nice dinnerware for this one — it’s only right to honor the human you’re about to eat. If you don’t have a serving plate that will adequately hold the remains, you’re going to want to splurge on a new dish. Not only will the body look delish presented correctly, but your guests won’t be able to take their eyes off of it.

Second, you want to make sure you use plenty of garnish — the more brightly colored and fragrant, the better. Mint sprigs are perfect in a pinch, but feel free to get creative with it! Orange slices, edible flowers and even edible glitter are perfect for making your dish pop.

Offer Beverages that Amplify the Flavor of Your Dish

Everybody knows that red wine pairs best with red meat while a white wine or rose should be offered with lighter meat like fish and poultry. But what to pair with human flesh?

It comes down to the muscle mass of the person. For a more lean individual, going with something hearty or smoky like a red wine or whiskey should be the perfect match. Otherwise, go with sweet and savory flavors, like a white wine or even a seasonal cocktail.

Don’t Skimp on the Seasoning

One issue when preparing your cannibal dinner is that, unlike factory farming, you really don’t know how free-roam humans will turn out. Take control where you can by using plenty of seasoning. Especially if this is your first time preparing human, you will want to use a little more seasoning than you think you should. Don’t depend on what you assume the person’s lifestyle was to make or break your meal.

Go for Smaller Trimmings When Appropriate

If this is your first time going cannibal, you may want to impress with a full body — but you don’t have to! As the torso will take longer to cook and depends on a more experienced chef, it’s more than ok to only prepare the legs and arms. Plus, your guests can choose from a number of individuals for different flavors, depending on how many humans you plan to serve.

Make Sides that Correlate to Where Your Human Has Been Living

In today's international world, where someone has been living doesn't necessarily correlate to what they have been eating, but it's likely that regional sides will help bring out the taste of your meat. Sites like Pinterest can help you determine the best regional meals you should plan on serving at your cannibal dinner.

Don’t Forget to Remove the Tattoos

Unfortunately, tattoos have become a common way for people to adorn their skin. While they may look cool on a person who is alive and well, tattoos can greatly change the flavor of your cannibal dinner, and in some cases may be poisonous. Unless you’re looking to prepare a second meal of your dinner guests, you may want to make sure you’ve cut away the tattoos before cooking.

Have FUN With it!

The main thing is to have FUN with your cannibal dinner party! This holiday season should be about the people you have around (and in!) you

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